Posts
First off I'd like to say, Happy New Year to everyone ~
I really need to catch up on reading my blogs, using a desktop is hard in the basement, in the dead of winter :(
I have a few resolutions that I have made for myself,
I have yet to accomplish them no matter how many times I repeat them every year but, here I go!
1. Lose Weight - EVERY YEAR I make this resolution I really hope this is the year I actually DO it.
2. Don't rush into a relationship - I think I wrote this already, but I am single. I havn't been single in almost 6 years.
It's time to just chill out for awhile, and if it comes by then so be it, but im not going to go chase a relationship.
3. Make goals and stick to them? - I really don't know why I bother to write these out, I NEVER stick to anything I say.. I really need to start doing that or I will never get anything done.
4. Be more Charitable - I kind of made this promise to myself, and never actually fulfilled it, im kind of pissed at myself for it, so Im hoping to actually keep this promise this year.
5.Try your best to make it through this year - This is going to be the toughest one even more than losing weight,
I barely made it through this ... I mean, last year.Just take everything one step at a time, stop sweating the small stuff.
6. Don't get fired - So I've been working at my job going a 1yr and a half now, I have a job I love, with people im actually getting to know and like working with, but I never really feel secure, I feel like im stepping on eggshells all the time, like im going to slip up somewhere. Maybe I need to have more confidence?
It's an uneven list but..its a work in progress im sure.
Good things about this year thus far -
I got a haircut for $40, but it came out pretty awesome (Hated it at first) but it looks great now =D
Im kind of crushing on a greeter at Wal-mart but like I said im NOT going to rush it!
Dan and I are still the best of friends, just wish we could hang out more..
Made a new friend John, though he's been a bit distant lately, Wondering if its because of my awkwardness?
Hope this list continues to grow :)
**Edit**
I twitter, way too much, it's short and sweet little things I guess.
So here if you are interested in reading or following!
http://twitter.com/cynicalkitty
It is soo close to Christmas its not even funny, I havn't even done my Christmas shopping yet.
But It obviously needs to get done this week, I just live for Christmas -_-.
I wish it would snow I mean as sick of the cold as I am and as much it is a pain in the ass to drive in,
I feel like Christmas is not Christmas without it, I dont think I could ever move to a place like Florida or California.
So very sad without snow.
Work party on Friday, still have to work lol, but we'll try to bang out our assignments so we can spend the rest of the time chillaxing.
Yet again, I have gone on a diet just to end up screwing it up and going back to my regular eating pattern.
I need to stop this, I have a motivation but obviously im not motivated enough to do it.
I dont necessarily want to starve myself but thats the one way I lose weight really. I can't do a raw diet, There is a part of me that is carnivourous and has a desire for meat, and there is no way in hell im eating raw meat lol.
Fish maybe because I've found that to be quite delicious if made right but meat no. Sorry. Not happening. Not in this lifetime. I just need to find something that works for me. Work does not help much there is so much to eat there.
Especially around Christmas, thats when the chocolate, the cookies, etc etc, start to come in.
John and I hung out again last week I drove up to Conneticutt, which is an hour drive from here, but it wasnt a bad drive, it was quiet and nice it wasnt a busy highway but an off road.
We went out to a mexican place cant remember what it was called Cafe mariachi or something like that but it was authentic mexican food, messy as hell, I felt so weird everytime he tried to talk to me I had something falling out of my mouth lol. But very good nothing like On the border which is bland, the only thing I like there is the chips and salsa.
Then we went to his apartment watched Rent and I left, it was getting dark and it was my first real drive there, I was nervous about the darkness and what not.
I will definetely stay longer next time,
Im such an awkward person, I really wish I could just come out of my shell and be me but I cant, It takes me a very long time to get to know someone where I can actually be myself, but im afraid that puts people off sometimes.
Prevents me from making friends I stick with.
We definetely have different tastes when it comes to movies, compared to my friends I thought I had the most exotic tastes but his library was just WOW, lots of movies with no name actors lol. Im open to new things though.
So if he wants to hang out with me again we'll definetely have to watch one of his movies.
I was suppose to hang out with him and his friends today, but my mother the paranoid buddhist, is all "Im afraid your going to get in accident, your luck bad this year,"
Its like shes trying to prevent me from getting into a car accident that probably wont happen, we were suppose to go to Providence which she thinks is busy, traffic, night time what not. Her paranoia is preventing me from having a life.
It's annoying. I really need to get my own car. In my name.
My Ipod is dead, it died 2 days ago, it just stopped working, would not charge on my computer so I used a wall adaptor and managed to charge it to where it was red, but as soon as I took it off the power promptly shut down.
So I guess its not so much my Ipod is dead as the battery is. Im going to have to order one, and replace it myself.
As I replaced the last one myself, Apple wont replace my battery. Which is fine by me because their service costs $59 and they erase all of your songs, so if your like me and have 700 + songs on your Ipod, bye bye songs.
Im still playing Dragon Age: Origins on my 360 I really played it a little too much last time so much so I got sick of it and put it down for awhile but I recently went back to it, Im wondering if Assassins Creed 2 is worth trying at all havnt read any reviews on it yet.
So, I went to the mall last week and ended up getting my PSP, which is in pristine condition as promised.
It took me a few hours to figure out how to get games on it, but I was successful! Bought 2 memory sticks for it.
Im happy yay!
I really need to charge my camera. I would have taken a picture of it had I charged it.. but the picture above is basically what it looks like, its even lighter than a ds lite. which is pretty light in itself.
Another reason I need to charge my camera is I might be going out this weekend to visit John in Conn!
It could be a possible photographic opportunity.
Im still thinking it over but Im really thinking of going, its nice to get out and do something different for a change.
Not to mention I havnt been on a road trip in a long time.
He also invited me to hang out with some of his friends from Virginia, idk. I might just hang with him for now.
He told me about some mexican place near his apartment we might try out. Which should be nice, Mexican food is awesome.
I've begun to realize just how much I can be independent, that I can be alone and still be happy. These past few weeks have been good, and I've been really comfortable. I used to live in a world where I thought I needed to be with someone to be happy, but I've started to realize that I can be on my own and still retain the same happiness.
If someone comes along im not going to shy away from it, but im not going after it either, if it happens ok.
But Im at a point in my life where I want to stop jumping from relationship to relationship, I need to just be me for awhile.
In other news im getting a haircut at some point this weekend!
My hair is short but I just want it styled.. definetely thinned out. My hair is too thick.
I've been looking at different types of styles but im going more for the "Asian girl" look.
Kind of the same look except longer and thicker, I want mine really thin though, hair gets thick fast.
This is cute too and might go better for the shorter look.
<3 this without the bangs. She has lips like mine!
Thinking of going to this place called Hairspray on Wickendon in Providence, they seem like a good place that'll be able to do this style. No one local ever does what I want -_-.
To get a PSP. Yes Ive caved in. My friend Jon (BitWarri0r) brought his PSP when we met.
Which was a lot of fun, I took some pictures of our delicious food with my phone but im trying to figure out how to upload them.
My camera died. So pissed about that because everything looked BUT TASTED better.
Seriously, I love sushi. This place was amazing Wasabi in Johnston. The bill was pretty high but it was worth it!
Then we went to Barnes and Noble which turned out ehh...board games I dont know seems neat but hours of playing gets boring after awhile, so we cut it short, but we plan on meeting again next week hopefully.
We got along really well. :)
But anyway back to the PSP, I tried his, the graphics were so sharp and the psp actually felt really comfortable in my hands his is a PSP 2000 slim. I've always used the demo kiosks but its just not the same as fully holding it and fiddling with it in your hands.
I played Me and my katamari, which proves to me to be as good as the PS2/Xbox360 version.
I guess my main reason for getting one is knowing it can be modded, so I can get various games for free.
It will save me a lot of money in the long run.
That and I have heard its improved quite a bit since it first came out, when it first came out all I heard was bad things about it which turned me off from buying one, but the battery life has since improved.
Im buying a PSP Silver 2000 from a guy on Craigs list, its already been modded which will save me a lot of time and headache. He says its like new, has the charger, im going to try before I buy obviously.
I set down a price of $100 so we're going to meet at the tilt Friday to make the exchange.
The only thing I need to buy on the side is memory a screen protector and very possibly a skin from gela skins
Ok normally I'm a skeptic when it comes to this kind of thing, but this picture freaked me out a little,
Although with things like Photoshop, you never know.
Ghosts clearly also like to wear, button down shirts.
Im feeling much better since my last post.
I think its just all about time, I've come to realize that life isnt all about getting married and having kids.
It's doing stuff along the way, every life is different and its just not my turn yet =).
So tomorrow, is going to be an adventurous day, I met this guy online, his name is John/BitWarri0r.
We've known each other for a few months now, have been exchanging e-mails back and forth but never really talked to an extent till recently.
He's been egging me about hanging out over and over again. I kept turning him down,
mostly due to self consciousness, paranoia, social anxiety.
But we've been talking for hours on end and he finally ended up convincing me to go hang out with him.
Im excited about it because we are going out for Sushi and I never met someone who's liked sushi before.
and im nervous because, I havn't actually met anyone new or talked to anyone new in ...years.
and when I mean new I dont mean like boyfriend wise I mean people wise, I dont meet a lot of new people and try to get to know them, so this is really a stretch for me.
We're going just as friends, its not a date, I dont know when I'll be ready to date again, Every relationship I came out of I jumped right back into a new one, and I think I need to take this time to really just relax, and figure myself out before I can share myself with anyone else.
Dan and I are still the best of friends we talk every night, Sunday we're going to a used bookstore =), excited about that too! Need to double check with him make sure we're still going though.
We are going to Wasabi in Johnston, its a real sushi place, im super psyched.
Then we're going to Barnes and Noble in Smithfield to play some board games.
So I guess in thought of that. There are a lot of sushi I dont know the name of but im really anxious to try all the strange ones, so I thought I'd post some of them just incase any of you ever decide to go out for sushi yourselves!
When examples of sushi are used, this often seems to show up due to it being very artistic looking and exotic.
Like if someone was going to open fire somewhere, I would be the first person to jump on someone because
I really don't care what happens to me.
Dan and I broke up. I finally have the guts to open up about it. We have our differences but we're very close, and we always will be, we still love each other but, we just need a break. I dont know if we'll get back together again or what, but im leaving relationships alone for now. I havn't been single in so long, I dont even know what it feels like anymore.
This is what I feel like when I wake up, like someone just ran over my dog or something.
The only time I actually feel positive is when I come home from work, and I get to relax in front of the tv or something,
that or im thinking about my future, I cant stand my present situation, but I know things will be better for me in the future, and I think thats what keeps me going.
Now I have nothing, and im not going to college and I know exactly what I want to do, and it's the one thing thats keeping me going.
That's my one main goal right now, is to go to college, save for college so maybe I can work to be
a physicians assistant. I know I'll never be a doctor, it's too much work, money, studying, so it's the closest thing.
When I think about that, I feel happy, I feel positive, like I have something to go for in my life.
It's the one thing thats keeping me sane now.
I keep blowing my money every week, I need to start saving, for college, for my life. I realize im wasting it all away.
I have nothing to show for it, I need to make a change. I need to stop writing all these empty words.
I need to do something.
I've also decided to make some other changes, maybe they'll affect my moodiness,
I've decided to eliminate meat from my diet, be a vegetarian.
NOT a VEGAN
I really like dairy products, and I don't think I can give up sushi just yet.
But I can do without chicken and red meat.
Don't eat much of it anyway,
Maybe it'll change me. If I make changes in my life. Start with the little things and work my way up.
But I do need to start and I think thats the toughest part.
Physical that is. Having a serious migraine right now. Also on my period which doesnt help. Which might explain the migraine.
Its like my body's way of saying, if your not having cramps, you have to have a headache.
You don't have a choice of not having pain, it's either one or the other.
I'd take the day off but I dont have anymore sick days and apparently in order to keep my insurance,
I can't have any days off work. This sucks.
So yeah, I gained a few more pounds than I would have liked. So im back on the diet thing again.
I didn't terribly gain, just enough where if I work at it, It shouldn't be hard to lose.
This is my one goal for the year, and I really want to accomplish it.
I know that if I get down to a certain point my body will eventually stop gaining.
That's what I want to get to, for instance if I get down to 145 or so my body will probably retain that.
Yesterday I had a bunch of rice cakes, they taste like communion wafers but they fill me up.
So I really dont care.
I've been having a lot going on in my life lately,
I met this guy online, for now I'll just refer to him by his usernm - Bitwarrior,
He lives in Connecticut, likes video games, into computers, rpgs and such, like myself.
Hes really nice, We've been talking on and off through e-mails for a few months.
Mostly about games and the struggles we're going through in our lives.
Now your probably thinking "What's Dan thinking about this" Im pretty sure he's ok with it.
He has female friends, so I can have male friends.
Bit wants to meet me so we can hang out, play some games what not.
I would like to meet him however, I come to find I've developed this ...phobia I guess of meeting new people.
So add that to Thunder, lightning and now Meeting new people.
I guess im just afraid it might be terribly awkward and he may never want to talk to me again.
Im the type of person who will say something and everyone either goes dead silent or someone will be like
OH YEAH.. heh.
This is becoming a problem, I'd like to meet new people and make friends but I can't break out of my shell.
I guess im afraid of the commitment which is why I have only 2 real people I can actually confide in.
Which speaking of that, meeting new people.
I am so so proud of Dan, He's really confident, while at the same time he has a phobia similar to myself, he is able to break out of his shell easily and manage to talk to people with confidence. I admire him for that.
In a way im jealous of him.
He recently joined a gaming group at CCRI that plays Magic.
I really wish I could go with him because it seems fun but I have the feeling that I would be just stuck on him like glue or again just really socially awkward.
Not to mention I can't seem to grasp the concept of Magic.
Dan tried to teach me but I just dont get it. Either that or I cant hold interest long enough to get it.
See it'd be easy to socialize because magic would be the topic of choice.
But how can I talk about something I don't even know how to play?
Im trying to find a youtube video that might explain easier.
I found this one, its part of a series on how to play, though I might need headphones to hear it better.
Ive come to the conclusion that, for the time being, im not going to be using facebook or myspace for awhile.
I dont know why but I find myself really depressed, when I go to either or, just seeing people go to school and hearing them talk about things their doing in their lives.
Its just a lot for me to take.
For that reason im not going to be using either sites for whatever amount of time I need.
Its not that I dont feel happy for my friends, I just need to focus on me and my future and not so much as what I can do in comparison to them and what they are doing.
Im going to continue to update this, and my twitter, which can also be seen on facebook.
http://twitter.com/Cynicalkitty
Feel free to follow me if you like. Also if you reply to my status's on facebook I will get them =), and will reply back via twitter.
I can also be contacted by e-mail: Annabell_Scorpione@yahoo.com
or feel free to comment.
I will get back to you in either form =)
Thanks, guys.
