14 posts tagged “death”

Back to updating.
I've been on such a lag lately.

I miss my vox friends =).
I need to update more often.

I had this huge fight with my parents

over a dumb shirt that my mom started crying over.

and somehow during this fight I ended up losing everything under the sun.

Including my car, My dad 'supposedly' took the battery out of,

which meant no training, which meant no job.

Only to find out that the two days after I missed training I put my key in the ignition

the car runs fine.

So my parents were basically playing this mind game with me

'Let's see how long it takes her to figure out we did nothing to the car'

So to save my ass (no thanks to my parents)

I had to call up my job and tell them

I had a little car stall and the car would be in the shop till Thursday.

So I have to reschedule my training.

You know I was trying to find a picture, of something to express, what Im writing,

Pictures always seem to make writing more exciting, and I think that picture 

( the one with the red guy)  was the best I could find lol.  

No one can really do a good pissed off face and make it look real.

 

I've been really busy with Dan too, I've been going to his house more often,

he made a vox journal as well. Found here - http://danj.vox.com/

I'm not sure if I wrote this before so sorry if im getting repetitive.

Dan's Grandma is terminally ill. She's under Hospice care right now.  

Which basically means, she's basically going to die. 

You can read more about it in his blog.

But she just seems to be getting worse and worse.

She's been vomiting and going to the bathroom almost every hour at night.

She sleeps all day, and they've resorted to giving her morphine now. 

I just want to be there for him the best that I can be.

Try to be a support system but also someone to cheer him up

making him laugh.

He hasn't gotten that a lot lately. He's to the point of frustration

because she can be very hostile when she is like this as well,

He's frustrated because since December of 06 he has had to stay with

her constantly along with his mom caring for her and she not in her right mind

is hostile towards him.

I can't understand what hes going through, I've never been through it,

I can only imagine how hard it really is for him.

Because I've been there, I've seen what shes like and I've seen

what they have to go through, I can only pray that when I have to do that, 

I'll at least have some help, they are doing it all by themselves. 

With the exception of nurses coming over to teach them how

to use the oxygen or inserting a catheder.

It just shows me how brave they are, especially Dan,

at his age having to do these things, 

it just shows a lot of courage to me. 

But on a more lighter note.

I'm onto my anime phase again.

I get it every so often,

I wonder how long it will last.

I just started a new series called 'DeathNote'

Awesome anime.
It's basically about this guy from the underworld who has this note book

and he drops it in the 'human world' this notebook is special because

whoever's name is written in the notebook, will die. Automatically.

Well a human, guy named Light finds this book, he just thinks at first its some sort of gimmick, like chain letters or something, until he actually tries it and finds out, its not all he thought it was.

Really good anime. 

  

Ahh, oh and special thanks to Cory Roberts

for this Vox Promo sketch he did of I'm guessing 

me? lol =)

No one's ever done anything like that for me before!

I will save it on my hard drive always ^_^.

 

 

 

 

 

  

I've been reading a lot of books lately too,

especially ones about Asian culture.

Me being Thai, I havn't really been able to find

personal memoirs of women from Thailand.

It kind of sucks.

So the closest I've been able to find are

memoirs from Japanese women.

I've been reading two books.

 

One is called 'Bento box In The Heartland'

  

I lovve this book I can't put it down!

It's about this girl who comes to America,

at a really young age, and she yearns to fit in

with all the 'All American Girls'.

From what she brings to school for lunch,

to her race and how she was made fun of in school.  

As she grows she starts to begin to appreciate her culture

and where she comes from.

But what I like best about this is the author often associates

her life with food, she talks about it so well its almost as if you can taste it.

 

 

The other book I've been reading is called 

'Stealing Buddha's Dinner'

It's the same premise except she talks more about her life,

then food, she talks more about adjusting to her
American way of life than her own history. 

I havn't gotten far in this book because I've been

stuck reading the other but it's new and

I think its a bestseller right now.  

 

 

It's 11:15 now I'm going to try to get some reading done before I go to bed.

I will try my best to update tomorrow and to keep with the habit =).

 

I don't have much to report unfortunately,

life is at a stand still.

But I thought I might post this

I was looking up info on the Virginia Tech shooting,

and found this,

http://mydeathspace.com

It's a page that has teens who have died, the cause of their death

and the links to their myspaces.

It's so sad the majority of them died in car accidents.

 

 

God, what is our world coming to,
You wouldn't be seeing this happening in the 60's or 70's.
It's amazing how much our world has changed from then.
I mean I never lived in that era but from history's stand point.
It seemed a lot more peaceful than the world we're living in now,

A world, where you have to be on your constant guard because the person sitting next to you,

in class, on the bus, at work, on the subway, may be the one to shoot you tomorrow.

 

The question im asking is, how did we get to a point from where violence was something unheard of,

to the point of where it's a thing that happens every single day?

What boundary did we cross to make it such a frequent thing?

I'm asking this question, because I don't know the answer. 

I have too many questions, that go unanswered.

 

Well, we all know why Cho Seung Hui decided to shoot up a school.

 Anyone who has seen the news anyway, or read the paper,

or even if you tried to avoid it, it was some how shoved in your face.

He was picked on, teased, he despised rich people, and

the only option was to pick up a gun and start shooting people.

But you know what the saddest part about all this is,

its not going to change a thing.

People are still going to be the same way.

This kid was a total psycho, he just wasn't normal.

but maybe he knew that already, and then be picked on

in addition added to that, anger and that depression. 

That he was feeling.

 

I'm not saying what he did was justified, it's not at all,

but it shows what little 'words' can mean to certain people.

 

We live in such a hateful society,

don't we realize what we are doing to each other?

A female pray mantis eats its mate after sex.

We think thats disgusting and morbid.

But looking at what we are doing to each other,

That is NOTHING.

 

Not to mention the fact that now, being Asian,

I have to worry about getting clubbed in the street,

First it was anyone that looked Arab, 

Now it will probably be anyone that looks ASIAN.

Why does it have to be this way? 

Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold shot up Columbine,

they were both white,

but we don't look at every single white person and go OMG HES GONNA KILL ME.

Races are JUST COLORS. That doesn't mean they all think the same way!

 

Another thing that I can't seem to understand.

 
This whole, Manifesto business. 

Is the Associated Press so desperate to get news, 

that they want another Shooting spree to occur?

Which is why they keep flashing these pictures

and videotapes all over the screen?

I must have seen those clips of him 20 times in the past 5 days.

 

You know if they didn't show all of that Columbine footage,

and if it wasn't as big a hype as it was,

I doubt this would have occured. 

There are probably kids sitting at home, watching this on tv,

hating their own lives, going I might be the one to do that next,

look how famous he is, maybe people will listen to me.  

Because God knows that you'll be FAMOUS when your rotting  

in the ground.  

God don't these fucking people realize they are giving him EXACTLY

what he wanted!?

Why else would he send in a DVD, 49 something pictures and an essay,

to the biggest News broadcasting station IN THE WORLD.

Not only is our society hateful, our society is SELFISH AND STUPID.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you ever had a dream that came true? 
Submitted by rescout.

*smiles* yeah actually, when I had just broken up with my ex and we were fighting and the whole mess, I was just so

frustrated, I wanted him back but at the same time I was just going, what am I doing to myself, I wanted to move on but didn't have the courage to, so one of the nights, I had a dream.

I was kissing someone else, I was with someone else, but he didn't have a face, but he made me feel great.

Then a few weeks later I met the guy im with now ^_^.

 

Sometimes, I like to think that God is talking to me in my dreams,

like he's sending me messages but in a cryptic form,

and some part of that dream has a message that I have to decipher or that may play a part in

what is going to happen to me. 

 

My mom and a couple of other people,

used to have dreams of my cousin, Maureen, 

She died of cancer when she was 23.

but we all think that somehow shes trying to maybe reach out to us.

I have yet to have one of these dreams.  

Today is was an absolute perfect gorgeous day.

 I walked outside and it was warm and sunny.
It felt so good, and yet some how it depressed me.
Whenever its a beautiful day like this,

I think of Dan, wishing I could walk with him in this weather.

I really hope it stays like this all week so I can at least have a chance to

walk with him.

But it seems like whenever it's a really nice day out he is never available.
It sucks but thats the way its going to be for awhile.

Today I was pretty much sitting at home on the couch, watching a movie,

on this beautiful day because everyone was so busy.

Then my Aunt Joyce came over to visit, we caught up a bit,

then we decided to go have lunch just her and I.
at the new "On The Border"

Mexican restaurant that opened up.

I've been wanting to go there, but I don't know anyone,

who really likes Mexican food.

It was a great place, they first served us baked tortilla chips,

with this awesome salsa. That would have been enough for me. 

Then I got the 'Border sampler' it had Chicken Qusadillas, chicken fluatas and steak nachos. 
With Pico de gallo and queso.

It was delicious but they give you a lot of food so I took it home. 

My favorite parts were probably the guacamole, and the pico de gallo.

I have a thing for foods that taste fresh. I don't know why. 

Those were the sauces too they wernt even the meal part.

 

Then we went to Building 19.

I don't know if it exists outside of Rhode Island,

But its almost like a salvation army type place.

The only difference being, is that all the signs are hand made,

Someone out there must have a job of making 'Jerry' signs.

That character you see with the big glasses.

They love to draw it on everything,

I think there is even a Building 19 - cereal

called 'Jerry O's' with his characature on the front. 

Lucky for me, I was saved by an arcade box they were trying to sell,

and was plugged in, so I spent my time playing "King of Fighters".

 

Yesterday

Then we came home and thats where I am now.

That wasn't very interesting but, I tried.

I'd rather talk about my day yesterday,

which was somehow more interesting. 

I went to the Kent County Hospital yesterday after school.

To see Dan's grandmother and to possibly see him too.

They wernt there when I arrived so I waited in the 'crying area'.

Thank god I had my DS on me, I think I would have gone insane otherwise,

 

So they showed up about 1 1/2 hours later.

Where he dropped a bomb on me,

He wouldn't be able to go out with me Sunday,

The day we were suppose to go out for our One year anniversary.

I was crushed. We had planned this for months.

But the reason he couldn't go was because of his stepsister.

His dad is dragging him to Massachusetts tomorrow to see his stepsisters,

 

12th new apartment. This girl has moved 12 times within 06-07.

He threatened to beat him if he didn't go. 

I was more pissed off at his father than him.

Jerk.  

In fact I wasn't pissed at Dan at all.

But all of that came to a screeching halt.

When he told me about his grandmother.

She has this condition called Polycystic Kidney Disease.

It pretty much takes your kidneys and destroys them.

Shes at the point where her kidneys have reached what is known as

'end stage renal failure' the title giving you an idea of how bad it really is.

'end'. 

 

Her stomach is a big potbelly right now,

and its not because shes fat, her kidneys are bloated,

bloated to the point where her stomach has expanded that much. 

Just to give you a good idea of what they look like right now.

Not good. 

So the end result might be, her having to go into surgery

to remove one of her kidneys. 

She's 83.

Now the real question is, should they risk going in removing a kidney and hope she makes it through the surgery,

or do they let her progress her life and die either slowly or very quickly. 

 

It's a very difficult decision to make isn't it, when your juggling your life in your hands.
When in either option death is only the inevitable. 

Our anniversary and even the concept, became small potatoes to this.
All I want to do is to be there for him and help in anyway that I can.

We finally went in to see her once we were doing talking about it,

she didn't look good, I'd seen her before in the hospital and she was just more lively,

this time, not so much. She recognized me, knew my name 

but if you've ever seen anyone in the hospital, who have been there a considerable amount of time,

 

they just have that look in their eyes, that tired, sick, look.

God I remember like it was yesterday I think it was 2 weeks ago,

She was telling Dan, "You take care of that little girl".

she was always telling me to eat.

She's probably the nicest lady I've ever met. 

Life is like this strange cycle,

We've been raised from our parents as babies,

and when they get old we have to raise them as they

turn back into them.

. 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 
 

 
  

 

 

Book:  Show us a great non-fiction book.

 

He was 84 years old.

Not a bad life to live.

Though his was full of psychotic episodes and depression.

It was a long one.

I loved his book Slaughter House Five.

 I read it my senior year of high school.

It was so messed up.
Like it didn't make any sense.

But it was great =).  

He must have been a pretty decent guy,

My english teacher wrote him an e-mail,

and he actually wrote back to her.

"Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt"

  

 
 

Life is amazing.

It seems like it could last forever,

when in truth

before you know it,

It's gone.

but it's real as much as it feels un real and I think the effects it holds on people is amazing.

Death is the one thing that really brings people together.

Why?

Because it's something that no one has ever experienced first hand.

and knowing that it's something you can never get back.  

to experience it so young without having a feel for life fully.

It's sad.

It almost makes you question whether what your doing now is enough,

because you could just go within the next hour, the next week, month, year.

 Death hits without warning.

So live life now doing what you love,

You never know when you'll be gone.

 

Two people died from my old high School.

 I think this kid Andrew was in my french class.. he sounds and looks

really familiar.

Andrew Coit died doing what he loved 

I didn't know the other one in the article..

 

Dan's best friends sister died a week ago.

She was only 17.

City mourns another teen 

 

Thank you for being on my side for once.
It's good to know that there is a chance of having a happy life,
Because right now ^_^. I couldn't be any happier if I tried.
It could be the meds.
But I really don't think so.
Because I had fun for once.

Please don't decide to shit on me when I go take these lab tests.
That's usually what ends up happening to people,
They start to see their life and what its worth,
Actually having a desire to live it,
Then they either die,
or find out they have a terminal illness of some sort,

I'm just not ready for that yet.

Love,
Me.